I've been working on my level of patience this week. In the beginning of last week, I lost my temper, and I said a lot of things that were very un-Christ like. I started thinking F* all of this. I hate this way of thinking!! I said many mean things, and I had quite the tantrum (this was alone in my car... but nonetheless, I was cursing at God).
I felt kind of bad for saying everything... and in the midst of my tantrum, I felt God pulling me closer to Him... instead of being upset with me for yelling and screaming He was trying to comfort me...and He was soothing me, and tugging at me to come back to Him.
It was the first time I ever felt that in my entire life. I tried ignoring it, but as my tantrum continued my heart started to quiet down a bit... and I felt sorry for my tantrum. I guess I can only compare it to a little toddler getting mad at his parents and screaming at them and kicking them for no reason. The parents may feel frustrated, but all they care about is the toddler's safety and getting him calmed down and happy again... because they love him. I am just a toddler in God's eyes. He loves me unconditionally, and He's trying desperately to help me learn and grow. I think now that I recognize Him, He will continue to gently pull me back on course when I start running a little crazy.