I am planning for a week long vacation this week, and life has felt hectic.
I realized last night that in all my planning, I put God on the back burner. I felt so upset when I realized that I hadn't prayed or talked to Him in a few days. *sigh* I felt things were off kilter in my life.. many things just weren't flowing properly, and I couldn't figure out why... it's because I drifted from The Father in my own selfish planning.
Also, I'm not comfortable with praying yet.. so I do this sort of "half wanting to..." pray thing... where I'm thinking about praying... but I don't actually do it. It's weird, I know. Last night, I had a good Pray time with Him. There are always things I want to ask for: like a safe trip, or success in my endeavors... etc... But last night, all I could do was apologize and praise Him. I told Him everything I hope to accomplish in my life, and I was surprised what happened when I let my heart do all the talking.
I told Him my deepest desires of following Christ... of learning all I can from the bible... and trying to help others do the same. I poured my wretched soul out to Him about all my sins- this week... and I talked to Him about how I want to improve for Him and Him alone. I asked Him to help me with my weaknesses, so I may become a stronger follower of Christ's teachings.
This morning, I woke up feeling more refreshed than I had in a week. Everything feels good again. I just have to remind myself to keep praying, keep reading my bible.. and keep building on my relationship with Him even when I'm going on vacation.