Saturday, June 20, 2009

like a time bomb

Well, this whole blogging thing didn't take off as I imagined it would.

I have faced many speed bumps in my journey with Christ thus far. For one, I felt rushed like I needed to catch up with other Christians, join a church, change myself. I felt my every decision was on a ticking time bomb just waiting for me to fail *Him*. I put myself under so much pressure, that there were quite a few days, I crumbled to my knees crying "what do you want from me?"

Secondly, I became depressed as I didn't discover an instant connection with other Christians, both in real life and online. I feel different from the mass majority. I cannot quite explain how so though...

Lastly, I put my bible down for over a month. The Old Testament was getting to me. I couldn't separate the message from the sexism and wars and seemingly needless deaths. It all wore me down- my head spun around the OT vs. the New Testament, Jews vs Christians. My mind was a whirlpool of conflicting emotion. I set the Holy Bible down.. put it aside. I had to...

Since then, I have picked it up again. I'm up to Joshua now. It's starting to make more sense to me, and I feel less frustrated. I'm still struggling with daily prayer though I feel Christ is always on my mind and that my inner thoughts and consciousness are always talking to Him, it's a neverending conversation we have going.

A friend pointed out that God made me exactly who I am. With all my quirks... I was beginning to question my personality- my sarcastic wit... my feminine style. My friend pointed out that everyone is different and God likes it like that...there is no uniform cookie cutter mold for His children to fit into. My traits are my traits and that's fine with God... he doesn't want me to change... just use good judgment in my decision making and do it always in His Will. His will first and always... and life will be Good because He is Good.

That's all for now fellow bloggers.